hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
