i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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