At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Im just a social blackout drinker.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
