Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
