Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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