If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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