someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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