Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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