We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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