Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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