My cat gives me a boner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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