I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
