After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We need to rekindle our bromance
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
they're like a gay fantastic four
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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