chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
