Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
3pm strippers are depressing
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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