Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
