oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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