After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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