i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
