hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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