The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
