EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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