I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
