Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
