I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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