last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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