All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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