i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
