I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
