If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
