i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize