I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
