My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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