I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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