Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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