I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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