Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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