marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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