If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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