I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
