I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
