It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
