After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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