what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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