He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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