Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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