Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
