I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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