Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
