Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize