Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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