its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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