i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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