4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
