we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
