Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
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