omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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