I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
