After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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