i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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