Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
