i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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