im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
