i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
