At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Come share oat with me in your robe
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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