So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
