i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
