Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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