proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
