What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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