hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
