STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
