Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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