so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
